Thursday, January 29, 2009

If Ryan Seacrest would only work one job like the rest of us, maybe our unemployment rate wouldn't be so high.

The guy is everywhere. E!, KIIS FM, AI, New Year's Eve, restaurants, clothing lines, the Emmy's, the Oscar's, the Golden Globes, the Grammy's, America's Top 40, the list goes on and on. I don't think he sleeps, ever. So the other day when I was listening to him do his morning show on KIIS, I had to hand it to the guy, I was entertained. He does this thing on his show he calls, "Ryan's Roses". I guess there is a form on his website where people can sign-up to be on-air, all in the hopes of catching their significant other in a lie/cheating. First of all, who in the world would sign up for something like this? I guess all those people who go on Springer to confess that they are cross-dressing-transgendered-sleeping-with-their-cousin-cause-my-father-was-never-in-my-life-kind-of-people. Crazies I tell you.

So back to the sting. Ryan has some girl that works at the station call the suspected cheater to offer him a free dozen roses to be sent to whom ever he chooses, no strings attached. She says she is trying to promote her flower business and that he was the lucky winner! Yippee! She doesn't need a credit card or his address, just the name of the person he wants to send them to, and a note. Sucker (Joe)......

This is all going on while Ryan and the suspicious wife/girlfriend (we'll call her Jill) is on the line listening in. On this particular call (and I've heard many) the wife had signed up because her landlord had called her to tell her she had two weeks to find a new place to live due to the unpaid rent. She hadn't suspected a thing prior to the landlord calling her, but now she knew the money was going elsewhere.

Florist: I just need a name and a note.
Joe: Ok, um, send them Sara.
Florist: Sara, ok, and what do you want me to say in the note?
Joe: Um... Say, I love you and only you and I can't wait to go on our cruise.
Jill: *(@#)(*&%#_$) WE HAVE THREE KIDS!!! (*@_)(#* SO THAT IS WHERE THE RENT MONEY HAS GONE, TO A CRUISE? UN$+_)* BELIEVEABLE. DON'T YOU %+@_)# COME HOME YOU%&!+)). WHO IS JILL? WHO IS SHE? SHE IS THE ONE YOU CARPOOL WITH ISN'T SHE? (@&$&!*%*
Ryan: Joe, as you can see, I have Jill on the line, you're on air with Ryan Seacrest... Who is Jill?
Joe: Who is this?
Ryan: Seacrest.
Jill: *&@#)%*&_@)#($*_)(*@#_()*_)!)!)
Joe: Ryan - can you see what I am dealing with, Jill has problems, she is a total nutjob.
Jill: How could you do this to us, we have 3 kids, what you were just going to take our rent money and leave us, without a home, with nothing, and go off on a cruise with this girl? How could you do this Joe? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS???
Joe: Jill, I wasn't going to leave you without a home, I am paying the rent tomorrow, I am figuring it out. I don't want to talk about this right now, we will talk later.
Ryan: Bro, how could you do this to your wife? And you're kids?
Joe: Dude, she's crazy. I can't take her anymore...
Jill: )@(#&%_!+__#$__)!(_#)(_#))$*&*%*$*(%($)$)$_! (you get the idea)

My jaw was on the floor. I couldn't believe that he actually fell for it. I was sick to my stomach for that woman, but I have to admit, I was entertained at the same time. What intrigues me the most is that he pulls it off time and time again and people don't recognize the set-up from the beginning. I searched for archived audio files but I couldn't find any...anybody out there suspect their spouse of cheating because Ryan can help!

4 comments:

Cortney said...

Hahahaha! Glad to see Seacrest is trying to make the world a better place. I love it!

Crazy Hughes Fam... said...

You are SO hillarious! I love to come to your blog, because I ALWAYS get a laugh.

If I were closer to LA, I would totally be listening to Ryan in the AM, but we don't get that here in the middle of nowhere. I have a pit in my stomach for her.

Hao-fu said...

You always make me laugh out loud.
Sarah

catesclub said...

He stole that idea from a radio station in the bay area that's been doing it for years. Nice try... attempting to bolster your hero!